7 Ways to be Nice to Yourself

The golden rule when it comes to dealing with people is to treat others how you would like to be treated. The funny thing is most of us, especially women, tend to treat others with far more kindness than we treat ourselves. We can be our own harshest critics when ideally, we should be our own biggest advocates.

I have had a lot of experience with this first-hand. From a young age, I had very high standards for myself, and have always been really hard on myself if I ever performed below my ridiculously high standards (spoiler alert: it happened a lot, and still does). I remember harshly judging and criticizing myself even when I was a little girl. As a teenager, I began confronting my thoughts about myself that were not-so-nice in hopes of building confidence.  In high school, I penned an essay where I talked about all the different ways my negative self-talk held me back, and how I wanted to overcome it. Though over a decade has passed, this is something I still work on every day.

Establishing genuine self-love for exactly who you are now is an essential foundation for improving your health and wellness. If you find yourself being your own worst critic, here are seven tips for being nice to yourself when you need it most.

Keep a happiness file, and look at it often.

When was the last time you received a compliment? Was it an email at work applauding your work on a project? Did your favorite yoga teacher compliment how far you have come in your practice? Did you get some nice compliments on the amazing photography in your latest Instagram post? Screenshot it or write down all of the positive feedback you, and save it in a happiness file. If you start beating yourself up, take a peek in your happiness file for a reminder of your own awesomeness.

Make a solo date with yourself to do something you really enjoy.

Do you have any activities that you love doing, but often put off because your friends aren’t into it? Do it solo, girl. Don’t stifle your own interests because those around you don’t feel the same way. If there’s a movie you want to see but your significant other isn’t into it, go see it alone. Always wanted to take a painting class, but you can’t coordinate a time that works for you and your girlfriends? Take a solo class. The ability to feed your own soul without needing to rely on the willingness or availability of others can help you brighten your own spirits even when others aren’t around to do so.

Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend.

Think about the last time you gave yourself a really hard time about something. Could you imagine ever saying the harsh things to another person that you said to yourself? Chances are you would never call your friend lazy, you would never criticize their body, or you wouldn’t call them stupid. If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, why would you say it to yourself? Next time you feel the negative self-talk creeping in, picture your best friend in the same scenario. What would you say to her? Treat yourself with that same loving kindness.

Journal: put your thoughts down, flip them and reverse them

Just have to say, I am really proud of that Missy Elliott pun.  Moving on…

If you have a specific piece of negative self-talk that keeps repeating in your mind, try reversing it by putting pen to paper. Instead of putting yourself down for being lazy, write down a personal affirmation expressing how motivated you are. Instead of feeling self-conscious about your body, write down what you love about your body, and how grateful you are to be in good health. If you continue transitioning your negative thoughts to positive words, you will begin believing them.

If journals with prompts are more of your thing, check out this awesome list of journaling resources from Catherine at The Blissful Mind.

Treat yo self.

Sometimes you just need to treat yo’ self, and doing so in a positive, healthy way can work wonders for your confidence and happiness. But remember, you are not a dog. Food, even if it’s your favorite sweet treat, is not a reward. Using food as a reward can contribute to having an unhealthy relationship with food, or could even lead to binge eating which could then lead to negative self-talk. And that’s what we are trying to avoid, remember? Instead, try treating yourself by doing something creative you love, or upgrading your space to feel more relaxed and centered. Georgie from In it 4 the Long Run has some awesome non-food ideas as well.

Celebrate your accomplishments.

There is nothing wrong with tooting your own horn every once and awhile. Don’t be afraid to celebrate your own awesomeness, especially when achieving something you work hard for. Also, little wins every day are worth celebrating as well. 

Release expectations of perfection.

You probably saw this coming. I’m a firm believer that the nicest thing you can do for yourself is releasing unrealistic expectations of perfection. Perfectionism is the thief of balance, and expecting yourself to do things perfectly makes it extremely difficult to remain kind to yourself. 

Your Turn:

• What are your favorite ways to be kind to yourself?
• How do you overcome negative self-talk?